Friday, November 19, 2010

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Been spending hour upon hour scouring the internet for more film set porn? Of course not, you say? I know ya’ll are only buying those magazines for the interesting articles, right? Well, Lab Tech Andi’s been scouring the fics in the lab to find some “interesting” fics that will not only satisfy that desire for fiction but will also provide delicious images of Cullens’ while we’re at it. So, wrap a towel around yourself and head to the blue door at the back of the love shack, knock the tune for “Bow Chicka Bow Wow” and the password is “Clothing Optional”. Be Safe!


The sun shone down on my exposed legs, warming my skin as I lay on the sand under the beach umbrella that Jasper had setup for me. Earlier in the day, I had been completely shaded, entertained by watching Emmett, Jasper, and Edward play in the surf and reading stories on the Kindle I had borrowed from Bella. As the day progressed and the sun traveled gracefully across the sky; the bright light, which had begun at my toes, had been slowly dancing up my legs, inch by inch, and was now illuminating nearly the entire lower half of my body. I lifted my head from the Kindle to gaze once again at the vision of three chiseled, wet, glistening bodies wrestling one another at the edge of the waves. I heard the deliberate sound of someone trying to approach without scaring me. Turning my head in the direction of the noise, and I saw Carlisle, dressed only in surf shorts, walking towards me.

He looked to the water and then looked back at me, “Boys will be boys.”

“Yes, I supposed they will,” I responded with a chuckle and a shake of my head. I returned to reading my story.

He sat down beside me, leaning back on his hands and gazed at the sun on my legs. “You know, Andi, you really should move back into the shade. You’ve been out here quite a while and you’ll burn if you’re not careful.”

“Well, by spending so much time in the shack, I’ve gotten so pale; I could really use the color. I thought I’d take advantage of it while we’re here.”

“Then at least put on some sunscreen; you’ll be miserable for the rest of the trip if you burn.” He shifted slightly pulling something out of his pocket. “Here, I’ve brought some out for you.”

I reached out my hand to take the bottle, “Thank you, Carli—“ He swiftly shifted the bottle out of my reach and moved so that he was kneeling beside my legs, facing me now, disrupting my thought.

“No, please, go back to your reading.” He put some of the lotion in his hand, “Let me help.”

I tried to focus back on my reading, but the screen, once full of words, blurred and turned to complete gibberish the very second I felt Carlisle’s cool hand wrap around my ankle sending a tingling sensation all the way up my spine. Instead, I concentrated my efforts on breathing in and out, trying to calm the sudden influx of butterflies that had invaded my stomach at the feel of his hand slowly and ever so gently caressing my skin as he spread the lotion.

He paused for only a brief moment to put more lotion in his hand and then lifted my leg at the knee, to allow better access to spread the lotion on my thigh. I bit down on my lip and let out a muffled moan. He pretended not to hear and I kept pretending I was reading. His fingers continued to knead my skin, coming within mere millimeters of contact with the apex of my thighs. My eyes roll-up into my head and I swallowed hard.

He paused again to put lotion in his hand and moved to the other ankle. As his hands began their journey once more, I threw my head back against the reclined back of my beach mat and moaned unable to keep up the charade any longer. What was the point anyway? I knew he could hear my labored breathing, the groans I attempted to silence, my fluttering heartbeat. I wasn’t even sure why I was suddenly reacting to him this way, when I’d never had this happen before.

When he repeated the action of grabbing my knee to apply lotion to my thigh, I shifted my hips on the mat, shut my eyes tight, and dragged my tongue over my bottom lip. His touch, once cooling on my sun-baked skin, was now burning me straight through and my body craved more.

Sensing my sudden overwhelming desire, he flatted the back of my beach mat, grabbed my knees, and settled himself between them before my human brain could even process what was going on. He gazed lustfully into my eyes and without a single word moved to my collar bone leaving a trail of open-mouth kisses up my neck. My fingers wound in his hair and my hips bucked of their own accord, my body automatically seeking out what it needed.

His hand now began traveling up my ribs under my shirt, his thumb brushing against the underside of my breast and I arched my back, pressing my breasts further into his touch. I held my eyes closed moaning again as his kisses continued to move up my neck to my ear.

“Andi, honey, open your eyes.” But the voice was not Carlisle’s voice; it was Emmett’s. I scrunched my brow in confusion and blinked into the bright afternoon sun. I looked beside me and Emmett smiled, lightly rubbing my arm. I was all slumped over with the kindle on my lab and my muscles were stiff from sleep.

“I don’t know how you can sleep like that, it looks uncomfortable,” he said with a light laugh.

“I fell asleep?”

“Yea, what the hell were you dreaming anyway? Both Jasper and Edward tried to come up here and adjust your umbrella, but ran away screaming like little girls.” He laughed a hardy laugh then and I felt my face get hot.

“Ummm… I don’t really remember.” I lied unsuccessfully.

“Fine, don’t tell me, then,” he laughed again raising his hand as if in surrender.

“I wasn’t making any noise was I?” I asked flushing again.

“Nope, unlike Bella when she was human, you sleep like the dead.” He told me as he stood up. “Now to go find those pansies. They can fight a newborn army, but can’t approach a sleeping girl.” He half mumbled, half laughed to himself as he walked away.

Thank heavens I don’t talk in my sleep, I thought as I rubbed my eyes and groaned to myself.

Then I heard someone in the distance yell, “Oh God! Not again!!”


All these pictures of half naked vampires must be creeping into my fantasies so all my tales this week contain something a little pornographic. Enjoy!

Dear Love Shack Forum:
To say I love my job is an understatement. I work for a small "production" company where I am...shall we say...the star of the show. I have worked with many fine gals since I started working for Daddy C and The Chief, but the second I heard the sweet voice of this angel who would soon be joining the company, I knew I was a goner. She was the boss's daughter, Bella, and there was no way I could start anything with her without my job getting in the way. However, when she threw herself at me in a drunken stupor at a dance club, thoughts began to swim in my head and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I was going to make her mine, even if I had to go about it backwards.


Dear Love Shack Forum:
How I was kicked out of Ogilvy Advertising is a rather funny story and it all started because I couldn't take being an accountant any longer.

I have always loved baking, cakes, cookies, or pies it doesn't matter. So, six months after I landed this job at a rather....unique...kind of bakery is when the story all came together.

Now, the bakery makes custom sweets, and I have found immense pleasure in paying special attention to the details of my creations. Details that even the customers have noticed.

Then one day SHE walked in. I had to gather myself. She flushed the most perfect shade of pink. In fact, everything about her was perfect. But I composed myself and took the order that would soon change my life. Let's just say that she likes, no loves, my butter cream.

Sweet Tooth

Dear Love Shack Forum:
There are two things in this life I’m complete addicted to and they are like opposite sides of the same coin. First, let me tell you about my secret love. Her author name is OveractiveSexDriveChick and she completely owns me with her daily dose of delicious word porn. She has me on such a short leash, that I finally had to follow her on twitter just so I wouldn’t miss her updates. Only thing is, I don’t have a clue who she is.

Second, the chick I could possibly have a shot with, hates my guts. We’ve been at each other’s throats for years, and now it’s nearly become a game to see how mad I can make her. I just get the feeling that there’s more to her than she letting on, if she’d only let her guard down. I think I may have found her soft spot though; she just wants people to be happy. If she could just tell me who OveractiveSexDriveChick is, that would make me happy.

~Ms. Jessica Cullen
Cullen and Swan: Matchmakers

Dear Love Shack Forum:
I had heard the song a thousand times growing up, but I never figured I would live it. My high school sweetheart (at least I had always wished she had been) was now the centerfold in one of those dirty magazines.

Back in high school, I was the definition of geekdom, and still I tried to make her mine, but she refused me then. But time changes everything and man, did college change me. Ten years later, I’m taller, better looking, and successful, so I couldn’t help but wonder what she would think of me now. I knew right then and there, I had to know and nothing was going to stop me.

Freeze Frame

All these tales are steamy, but you'll need something to sweet to give you balance, so I recommend you fix some "Butter Cream" and I ain't talking frosting:

1 oz. Irish Cream (Bailey's)
1 oz. Schnapps, butterscotch
2 oz. Milk

Mixing Instructions
Mix schnapps and Irish cream in a cocktail glass before adding milk. Add a bit of crushed ice and serve.

So, while I sit here in the corner and fan myself for a while, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)