Friday, April 6, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

You’re stuck in the car and the kids are driving you crazy. All you really want to do is escape, but where would you go, you’re trapped for at least a few more hours. Well, Lab Tech Andi can’t stand to see people suffer and has found several escapes for you. Just tread lightly to the blue door at the back of the shack, knock the steady rhythm of “Relax” as performed by Freddie Goes To Hollywood and the password is “Calm”. Be Safe!


Everyone was gone. The lab was silent. It was awesome!!

It was spring break and everyone had decided to go away for the week, even the authors were seeking inspiration elsewhere. So, I had the place all to myself and that hardly ever happened.

The chilly room still held on to the faint smell of last night’s pizza and even though the sun was slowing sinking into the horizon, I had yet to turn on a light. Instead, I sat wrapped up in the fluffiest blanket I owned, curled around my tablet, and reached for a soda in the cooler I’d put beside the couch. I was so engrossed in the words on the screen, I nearly had a heart attack when the knock on the door echoed loudly through the room.

“One minute!” I called, attempting to untangle myself from my cocoon and walk to the door.

“What’s the password?”

“Rachel Lee” I heard a male voice call from the other side.

Confused, I looked through the peep-hole to see an average looking guy dressed in dark blue scrubs. If Rachel was his name, it didn’t fit him. He looked armless, so I opened the door.

“You’re who?”

“I’m John Varela,” he said handing me a business card. “Licensed Massage Therapist, I was hired by a Rachel Lee last week for a man named Andy?”

“Oh, well I’m the only Andi here and I’m not a man. Did you happen to see this ‘Rachel’ person? Maybe that would help us figure this out. ” As I waved him inside to make us both more comfortable, my phone beeped indicating that I had a text. I flipped on the light and pulled my phone out of my pocket. The text was from Alice. I rolled my eyes.

“John is there to give you a massage because you’ve been sitting in that lab for two days. IT’S UNHEALTHY!”

I typed back, “Who’s Rachel?”

“The name on the credit card I used, which is irrelevant. And there are some clean clothes in the closet, please put those on and throw out the rags you’re current in. You’re worthless on your own.”

Am not! I whispered to the phone.

It buzzed in response. “You are, now show John where to setup.”

Bossy little pixie, I said to myself, sliding my phone back into my pocket and my phone buzzed again. I didn’t bother looking at it; I already knew it was Alice. I turned back to John who was patiently awaiting any sort of instruction.

“That was my friend Rachel, letting me know she’d scheduled you to come here. You can setup over there and I’ll be right back.”

Without a single word, he walked over to where I pointed and began setting up his massage table. If Alice had known a week ago that I’d be sitting around why didn’t she say something? Vampires can be so weird some times.


Let me say that John was very good at his job working out knots I didn’t even know I had, which made me wonder if the Cullen’s ever had massages even though I was positive they never needed it. So all the stories I found this week have a little bit of therapy in them. Relax and enjoy!

This first tale titled “Massage Therapy” by Gemgirl65, reaches deep down to dig out all your secrets. "I knew I was in trouble the minute I saw her naked back." As a therapist by day, musician by night, Edward gets more than he bargained for when indie label scout Bella is referred to his firm for treatment. One touch will unravel their secrets...but Bella’s not the only one holding things in. Are they ready to expose everything?

This second story is an adventurous tale called “Edroar the Angry Lion” by Tropical Sorbet. Edroar the Angry Lion, aka boss man Edward Cullen, frightens all the girls and boys at Cullen Publishing with his loud roar. Apparently, his job is so stressful that he requires at least one daily personal massage and sometimes two, but lately he’s been eating those therapists for lunch, having them running and screaming. Will his new massage therapist, Bella Swan, run away like all the rest, or can she tame this savage beast?

This fantastic little one shot called “The Full Spa Treatment” by fiberkitty is super sexy and filled with promises. Rosalie attends a work conference with fiancĂ© Royce, only to meet a sexy masseur who offers her a glimpse at a life she thought unavailable to her. He provides new meaning to the phrase "full spa treatment."

Since the point of any massage is to relax, I’m going to suggest something to get you there without therapist called “The Relaxer”


1 1/2 oz. Rum, coconut
1 splash Schnapps, peach
1 1/2 oz. Vodka
1 splash Cranberry Juice
Fill with Pineapple Juice

Mixing Instructions

Add all the ingredients to a hurricane glass, transfer to a shaker. Shake with ice and pour back into the glass.

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)

Friday, March 30, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

I know it's spring break for most of you and although you may be partyin' hard, you can't party the whole time. For those times in-between gettin' your groove on, Lab Tech Andi had found a few things to feed your other addiction and get you in the mood too. So dance your way to the blue door at the back of the shack, knock the quick and complicated rhythm of Paul Gilbert’s “Technical Difficulties" and the password is "Rockstar". Be Safe!


I was laughing so hard I couldn't see through my tears. Jasper and Bella were doubled over too. We were eventually able to calm ourselves, until Jasper started up again, at which point we were all a lost cause.

"You cheat!"

"I do not cheat! I don't need to cheat!"

"You do cheat!"

I'm sure you're wondering what on earth could have possibly been so funny; I should probably tell you where it started. A few months ago, Jasper had managed to hack the code for Guitar Hero so that he could load or change the songs, making them more suitable for their vampire speed. Jasper and Bella had been testing it out in the lab when Emmett walked in on them. From then on, it was all over.

Emmett had challenged everyone at least once to a Hero battle and he'd beaten them too. That is until he decided to challenge Rose to a Hero play-off, over confident that he'd shred her. Was he ever wrong!

Jasper had loaded a bunch of new songs, created insanely complex fret combinations, and increased the tempo. To a human player, this game would have been impossible.

For the last hour, Rose had completely annihilated Emmett in this epic round of Guitar Hero and if they could sweat, Emmett would have been dripping. As it was, he just looked crazy as his fingers moved up and down the plastic guitar and he danced around in front of the television.

And this is what had Jasper, Bella, and I rolling around on the floor laughing ourselves into a stupor. The more frustrated Emmett got, the more exaggerated his movements became. The more Jasper laughed, the more we all laughed and at one point I couldn't tell if we were laughing because of Jasper or Emmett. It was contagious!

We managed to get calmed down enough for me to breathe and that's when Emmett started complaining that Rose was cheating, making Jasper start laughing again which was making the rest of us laugh again.

"Okay! Okay!" I said to the group. "Why don't you guys take a break, so that I won't die of suffocation."

Jasper looked at Bella and asked, "Wanna play a round?"

"Sure," Bella replied jumping up from her seat and taking the guitar Rose had.

Jasper started walking toward Emmett "Alright Em, give me the guitar."

"No!" Emmett nearly yelled clutching the thing to his chest like the Hobbit with his precious. "I can play Bella."

"No Emmett. Dude, you need a break and so do I." I attempted to reason with him. Slowly he hung his head and handed over the controller.

"Come on, Baby." Rose said in Emmett's direction and he glared at her. "Fine, but I bet you can't beat me to Lake Pleasant." she casually stated walking toward the door.

"We'll see about that!" He said as he flew out the door when Rose opened it and I swear I heard her growl just a little as she followed after him.


Listening to all that guitar playing, kinda got me in the mood for some rock and roll, so all these tales have a little bit rock and a whole lot of roll. Enjoy!

My first tale is an incredible story of smoke and mirrors called "Faking It" by spanglemaker9. I'm positive it comes as no surprise that half of all Hollywood’s most famous couples are faking it. That's right, relationships created out of the need to create an image. That’s how Bella Swan’s publicist convinces her to pretend to date a troubled Hollywood bad boy, Edward Cullen. And she'll do anything for her band and her music. What she doesn't count on is the aftermath. Will this accomplish the attention they were both seeking?

This next amazing tale is truly one of adventure titled "Life in B Minor" by jaxington. Bella lives a privileged life, one with lots of music and expectations and it's never really been her. Edward learned early that he had to work for what he got, but is what he got really what he wanted? There's a lot these two will have to work though before they both end up where they're supposed to be. It's a journey you'll love to travel again and again.

This third tale is an alternate ending of sorts called "Music of her mind" by venomousgal. This story begins when Laurent finds Bella in the meadow, only the wolves didn't get there in time and Edward never came back to Forks. Since then Bella has changed and has been trying to find Edward for two years. In her quest to find him she becomes a musician in hopes of someday reaching him through her music. Will Bella ever be reunited with the Cullens?

The last in my list is a wonderful tale of discovery called "La Cantante" by tufano79. Bella is a freshman in college studying to be a music teacher. She loves music and she's managed to make it there via a scholarship. Edward is a pre-med student at the same school but secretly wants to be a musician. So what are the odds that Bella's brother Emmett just happens to be in and share a room with a cover band? And they all live in the same dorm? There are times in life when passion has a completely different plan for your life than you could have ever imagined.

In order to read these funky little fics, you should be partyin' like a rockstar with a drink that sound like a band name! I give you "Midnight Sun":


1 oz. Brandy, apricot
1 oz. Triple Sec (Cointreau)
2 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Grenadine
1/2 oz. Lemon Juice

Mixing Instructions

Shake all ingredients with ice; strain into a cocktail glass.

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Story Teller Saturday

May your day be touched by a bit of Irish luck, brightened by a song in your heart, and warmed by the smiles of the people you love. And if you find you're in need of a little bit of green to keep from getting pinched, come to the door at the back of the shack, it’s been painted green just for today, knock your favorite Celtic tune and the password is "Ireland". Be Safe!


Bella was right, I thought to myself as I sat staring out the window. This place is really green. Of course, being that it was going to be a St. Patrick’s Day weekend, the green was fitting and made me wonder if there really were any leprechaun’s out there in the forest. All that moss would camouflage them quite well assuming they were wearing all green.

Giggling from my musings, I heard the door swiftly open and close. I turned toward the door, expecting to see one of my usual visitors, but was surprised to find three complete strangers standing in my lab.

“Oh, Hello!” I exclaimed. “Is there something I can do for you?” I rose to walk toward them and they likewise turned in my direction. The two tallest of them both had dark hair while the smallest one had hair the color of fire, as I got closer I saw their eyes, all three were red.

With a gasp, I froze; my heart beating out of my chest. The tall dark haired woman moved with purpose toward me, stretching out her hand and smiling. “Well, I’m Siobhan, this is Liam and Maggie. Are you, Andi?”

“Yes.” I squeaked out without taking a breath.

“Carlisle said it would be alright if we visited ya while we were here for the Irish holiday that Alice has planned.” She said in a rush and I let out my breath in a whoosh and attempted a smile.

“Then welcome, I guess,” I said with a nervous giggle and shook her hand.

“No boher blade,” Liam said as he joined his mate. “Take her handy.”

“What?” I asked a little confused.

Maggie giggled and then explained, “He was thankin’ ya fer the welcome and sayin ya had nutin to worry o’er. I love yer author, so creative! I just ne’er see any Irish ones, are ye none?”

“You know Maggie, I’ve never looked before. If you don’t have to hurry off, we could take a look and see what we find.” I offered. “I’d love the help.”

Maggie started jumping up and down excitedly and looked to Siobhan, “Bang on! Mind?”

“Nah, that’d be fine.” Siobhan said and they all looked to me.

“Excellent!” I said and turned back to my desk. “Let me grab a few laptops and I’ll get you guys set up.”

I could hear them muttering to each other behind me while I ran around the lab, but it was far too fast for me to understand a single word. I took a deep breath still trying to get my frantic heart to slow as three monitors flickered to life.


It was fun to have foreign visitors in the lab for a little while and I hope the tales they helped me find are ones you’ll enjoy because they all have a little bit of Ireland in them.

This first yarn I have to deal ya is one that’s simply delicious called “This Life” by CaraNo The year is 2010, but ye old traditions are still upheld, especially in those small communities. Boys ask permission to start a courtin’ a girl and marriages are arranged for power or money instead of love. Of course when the boys that come around are the infamous Irish Cullen brothers, Edward and Emmett, there’s a mighty bit of wooing even though the girls have no other choice. That’s not the only thing because they’ll have to come to terms with the very real Cullen lifestyle.

This second deal is a bit of a lick and a promise titled “What Fills The Eye Fills the Heart” by TwoTwiMoms. One would think that as an erotic romance novelist, Bella would find her roommate’s animalistic “romps” more inspirational than annoying, but she just can’t take it any longer. With laptop in hand, Bella heads out to a local pub to find the inspiration she needs. At the pub, she meets a sexy, Irish bartender named Edward, who unknowingly drives her to a delicious distraction. Will this be a romance to last longer than a single chapter?

This third little bit is as short as the mythical creature in it, but won’t leave you wanting, called “A Real Boy” by Saritadreaming. It’s St. Patties day and while Alice and Emmett are busy getting the house ready for a very green celebration, Edward’s getting into a “little” trouble of his own, as he goes in search of a Leprechaun. Yes, they do exist. He just doesn’t realize the consequences of the wish he’s about to make.

My final deal will take you back an age and it’s titled, “She Was His First” by LJ Summers. This is a Mythical Celtic tale set in 500 B.C. and Edward is The Emrys - the Immortal. The blood-drinker's legend is well known amongst the people and even though he’s had many wives during his existence, he’s never been drawn to lay with any of them. They’ve simply been companions, but at the encouragement of one girl he brought back from the brink of death, he now seeks a true mate and takes Isa as his bride. Can he love her without killing her, keeping his promise?

To go along with all these Irish yarns, I think I’d recommend this drink called a “Celtic Twilight”

1oz Frangelico
1oz Irish Cream
1oz Irish Whiskey

Mixing Instructions:
Mix together with crushed ice in a glass and garnish with mint leaves

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)

Friday, March 9, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

"My hands, they're strong but my knees were far too weak." Oh, how my knees grow weak at the very thought of my muses and the more I read the more I crave. But thankfully, there's plenty to feed my addiction, so as we burn together Lab Tech Andi will always try to help fight back the flames. Following the sounds floating through the forest to the blue door at the back of the shack, knock the heart-breaking beat of "Set Fire to the Rain" as sung by Adele and the password is "Burning". Be Safe!


I was still at least a mile away from the shack, but even with my very human ears, I could make out the faint wailing of a female voice. The closer I got, the wailing turned into indistinct words, and then eventually into a clear melody. I parked my car when I finally made it all the way to the little building in the middle of the woods and got out.

I could visibly see the rattling of the windows from the loud music that was fighting to escape the confines of the shack. With a great deal of caution, I approached the door and pushed it open, the music nearly knocking me over. In front of the still open door, I dropped everything I had in my heads, throwing them over my ears in a vain attempt to block out any of the noise and made my way toward the source of this torture. I gathered up all the strength I had in me and swiftly shot out my right hand, extending my index fingers and pressing the power button, ceasing all sound.


The music had been so loud, that once I'd turned it off, I couldn't hear anything. Not the birds, or crickets, or the sound of footsteps behind me, so when I felt a hand come to land on my shoulder, it all but stopped my heart completely.

I turned to see a much taller Nessie standing behind me and I could see her mouth moving, but I couldn't hear a single word. "What?" I yelled in her direction. And she looked at me confused, and then held up a single finger signaling me to wait. I stood still as she walked to stand directly in front of me and placing her palm on the side of my face, stealing my vision.

Suddenly, I was standing there looking at the both of us like we were on a TV screen.

"You turned off my music." Nessie stated very clearly.

"IT WAS TOO LOUD," I shouted back at her, still trying to compensate for my hearing loss. In the vision, my mouth didn't move though and I started to laugh. She frowned a little, so I calmed my laughter and attempted to talk to her in a normal tone. "Nessie, it was way too loud. Why are you listening to it in here anyway?"

"Jake got me Adele's album a few weeks ago and I really love it," she explained, a smile replacing her frown. "But the songs make Mom and Dad sad, so they won't let me play it. Then I remembered that no one would be here for a while, so came here." She looked down as if she was ashamed and dropped her hand.

I experienced a little bit of vertigo as my vision returned, slamming me back into my own body and I grabbed the counter. "O.K. then! I'll make a deal with you," I explained and she nodded her head to let me know she understood. "You can play your music here so long as you play it at a reasonable level. Deal?"

She squealing and hugged me quickly, then dashed around me to turn down the volume. She pressed play and the next thing I heard is Adele's voice belt out "I let it fall, my heart..."


Surrounded by Nessie's latest obsessions, I found it interesting at the number of fics I found with the same title. Therefore, all the dealings this week have been inspired by one song and all three are completely different, which I found absolutely fascinating. Enjoy!

This first version of “Set Fire to the Rain” is by the ever talented One Brave Lamb. In this alternate New Moon canon tale, Bella was broken after Edward left her. She’s wallowed in misery, until a startling revelation changed everything. "He left me. He lied. He broke my heart and acted as if he simply didn't care. But, simply stated, I let him." Now, whether they can hear her or not, she’s going to tell the Cullen’s exactly how much they hurt her. What she never expected, was for Alice to show up before she could press send. This fic has some interesting twists in it as it plays with the original story line.

This next inspired version of “Set Fire To The Rain” is by the lovely LoveRob. In her amazing fic Bella loves Edward, of course. In fact, she’s loved him since they were fuck buddies years earlier. Now they work in the same place and he makes it quite obvious that he hates her being there. He even goes so far as to stop any chances for career opportunities. Is he for real? How will they cope? This fic has some amazing unexpected turns and travels all over the world. Don’t be surprised if your want to smack this Edward a time or two though.

Lastly, this wonderful version of “Set Fire to the Rain” is by the amazing SunshineGal3. This fic was a beautiful tale about, Bella, a woman whose job is to bring people back from the brink of self-destruction. She loves her job, but today she was given the file for an alcoholic with so very little information, she doesn’t know how to help him. That is unless she meets him and vows that she will not give up on him, she will find a way to reach him, if it’s the last thing she does. My favorite thing about this fic is that it didn’t rush into Bella and Edward falling in love. Bella is a confident character and her kindness really shines through.

Keeping with this burning theme, I think we should have a fiery drink, called a “Burning Sky”. Drink with caution, you set this drink on fire!


1/2 oz. Amaretto
1 oz. Irish Cream (Bailey's)
1 oz. Curacao, blue
1/2 oz. Rum, overproof/151 proof
1/2 oz. Sambuca

Mixing Instructions

In a cocktail glass pour the Sambuca, Amaretto, and 151. In a highball glass pour the blue Curacao and Bailey's. Light the contents of the cocktail glass on fire, add the contents of the highball glass. Drink through a straw, and don't catch yourself on fire.

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)

Friday, March 2, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” You need a distraction?  Heaven knows I need a distraction, so who better to distract you than a few tales Lab Tech Andi’s mixed together with a dash of Dr. Seuss.  Feel free to skip (I promise we won’t laugh) to the blue door behind the shack, knock the rockin’ guitar beat of “You’re a Mean One, My Grinch” as played by Gary Hoey and the password is “Green Ham”.  Be Safe!!


“It’s a very special day! Do you know why? Can you guess?” Alice stood there before me with her hair all a mess.

“What’s the matter, Alice? You never look this way!  What could possibly be so special about this cold and rainy day?” I ran to get her a towel and a brush for her hair.  She finished with them quickly then through them in a chair.

“It’s Dr. Seuss’s Birthday! He’d be a hundred and eight today!” She giggled as she continued, “Did you know I met him once, by the way?”
“You met Dr. Seuss?” I asked quite surprised.

“Oh, yes! He was funny and called me pint-sized.”

“Everyone calls you that, just because you’re so small, but we’d love you just the same even if you were ten feet tall.”  She looked very excited as we sat down together, then I decided to ask, “So what brings you out in this weather?”

She fidgeted a little then looked at me with glee, “I had to ask so that you might come and see ‘The Lorax’ with me.”

“Sure, Alice! You know I can’t pass up a cartoon! But why not take Nessie, or Bella, or Emmett, the buffoon?”

“Nessie thinks it’s stupid. The rhyming drives her crazy.  Then the futures for Bella and Emmett are hazy.  They must be hanging out with Jacob and the pack.  Or maybe they just went out to get a little snack.  But I hate going to the movies all alone,” she explained quite clearly in her soothing bell tone.

“Ok, well I have a treat for you! There’s a Dr. Seuss version of Twilight, I bet you never knew.”

“Oh! How exciting!” she bounced in her seat. “Will you tell me? Can I see it?” So, I got to my feet.

“Here it was posted as a comment on this page.  For what if Twilight was written by authors of an older age?”

Twilight, by Dr. Seuss (Unicycle really)
Jake likes a girl. Her name is Bella.
Bella likes a different fella.

See this vamp? This is Ed.
Ed is pale. Ed is dead.

Ed saved Bella from a van.
Ed must be a special man.

Ed won't kill boys. He won't kill girls.
Ed gets fed on deer and squirrels.

This is James. He's a tracker.
He's a sort of vamp attacker.

James hunts Bella for a thrill.
Will Ed kill him? Yes, he will.

But James gave her a little bite.
Will she be a vamp? She might!

Edward fixes Bella's cut.
She won't be a vampire.

She becomes one. Read some more.
She's a vampire in book 4.

“I really liked that one! Are there any more?” Alice asked me animatedly as I looked towards the floor.

“I’ve only found one other tale that has that Seussical rhyme, so I think I’ll pimp it here in this little post of mine.”

“Perfect!” Alice shouted which startled me just a bit.  “If you hurry up, I’m certain we be able to make it!”

“Make what?” I asked Alice just a little confused.

“The movie, silly Andi!” and she looked quite amused.

“If you help me, I know we’ll quickly get this knocked out.”

Then she stood with a wink, “Then let’s stop messing about.”


So, Alice helped me pick out all of my stories and the writers below deserve all of the glories for putting in so much time for their work, reading them all was just a small perk.

This first deal of mine carries my Seussical theme, with the title of “Couplet Adventures” by BEtwilightLOVE that’s simply a dream.  This is little oneshot holds several short tales, to rhyme each line not a single one fails. There is humour, suspense, and romance, too. So peek inside, you might like the view!

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ~Dr. Seuss

In my second little deal, the characters have lots of questions.  In this tale titled “Leave the Pieces” by heather dawn it has lots of suggestions.  When Edward Masen enlisted in the U.S. Army at age eighteen, he had no idea that he would meet the love of his life before he got out. Tragedy strikes and Edward will be faced with a decision. Fight for his Country or fight for her heart?

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” ~Dr. Seuss

In my final little deal, has time finally run out?  In this tale called “Too Little, Too Late” by capitalab, love take a different route.  After high school graduation, Edward takes advantage of Bella. Five years later, she struggles as a single mom with little help from Edward. But when Edward sees Bella moving on, how far will he go to save his relationship with his son? With Bella?

Continuing with my Seussy like post I think, we must have a Dr. Seussy like drink.  Look here! Look here! See what I found! “Green eggs” all around!

    1 shot Irish Cream (Bailey's)
    1/2 shot Creme de Menthe, green
    1 shot Vodka
    3/4 glass Milk

Mixing Instructions
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Pour into a highball glass over ice.

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.” ~Dr. Seuss

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)

Friday, February 24, 2012

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

"No man knows till he experiences it, what it is like to feel his own life-blood drawn away into the woman he loves."  What is it about the words that draw us in? Makes us want? I know you want too and Lab Tech Andi’s found tales you’ll crave.  So walk with much caution to the blue door at the back of the shack, pound the heavy beat of “Bring me to Life” by Evanescence and the password is “Undead”.  Be Safe!


I was curled up in a mountain of pillows, not blinking.  I heard a masculine voice behind me whisper, “Is she okay?”

There was a tap tap tapping filling the space that was absent of all other sounds.  A female voice answered, “Oh she’s fine.”

“But she’s not blinking or moving.  Hell, she’s barely breathing and I hear her whimper every once in a while.  Have you checked her?”

“Listen to her pulse, she’s perfectly fine.”  Then I heard a chair scrape across the floor followed by an exasperated sigh, “it’s that story she’s reading.  She’s been like that since yesterday. ”

There was now a different tapping, one of light footsteps crossing the room and then a door opened and closed.  A slight breeze rustled through my hair breaking my concentration.  I looked up to find a bottle of water dangling in front of my face.  “Oh! Thanks Alice!” I said taking the bottle from her and tipping it back.

“You’re welcome” she replied then I heard her walk back over to the desk.

“That’s so weird!” I heard the voice again and turned my head to see Emmett staring at me like a lab rat.  I raised my hand and waved to him then turned back to my story.

“It’s usually the smutty vamp tales that make her like that,” Alice told Emmett.  “She’ll be back to normal tomorrow.”

“Hmmm,” Emmett thought aloud, “maybe this is a story I should get Rose to read.”

Another breeze whooshed passed me and the room was once again filled with the tap tap tapping from a keyboard.


I’m usually so wrapped up in human tales that I have a hard time finding vampire tales I like, so I thought I’d bring you a few really fun and wonderful alternate universe vampire fics.  Enjoy!

The first tale is one that will really take a bite out of you called “The Singer and The Sorrow” by MG2112.  There are some tortures so evil that one lifetime of suffering is just not enough.  If there is one person who knows this, it’s Edward Cullen.  As if simply being a monster was not enough, he’s been cursed, making it impossible for him to be reunited with his soul.  But this time it’s different, this time she’s different.  This time he can talk to her, this time she knows him and this time instead of him trying to find her, she’s spent her whole life trying to find him.  Maybe this will change everything.

My next vampire was found in a light hearted tale titled “The Red Eye” by badjujube.  Edward had declared that there’s no way he’s go through high school again, so since vampires never have to sleep and are very observant, he’s going into business as a private eye.  In this line of work it's important to maintain a good relationship with local law enforcement and its representatives. Therefore, the Cullen’s have always been cooperative and polite with Chief Swan.  But now that the chief’s daughter has returned he’ll have to work extra hard to be on his best behavior and try not to drink her blood not matter how enticing she smells.

Finally, I found an excellent vampire alternate universe tale titled “The Meteor” by BixieR.  Aro has grown bored and wants the Denali clan to come for a visit, but there’s a small problem, they’ve added a gifted member that they don’t want the Volturi to know about just yet and they don’t want to leave her alone.  So what the Cullen’s once thought was going to be an ordinary day turns into some entirely different.  What they find is a young girl with the control of a much older vampire who has closed herself off to everything that this new world holds.  What’s keeping her from embracing this new life?  Will Edward be able to help her recover from her own mind?  Will the Denali’s be able to keep their secret from Aro?

To go along with all these biting stories, I’ll think we need something with a little bite of its own an “Irritable Grizzly”

½ oz Cinnamon Schnapps
1 oz Raspberry Vodka
6-8 oz Ginger Ale
Splash of Rose’s Grenadine for color

Pour everything into a collins glass. Stir gently. Fill with ice and garnish with a cherry.

Until next time, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)