Friday, January 21, 2011

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Everybody wants something, every cell in your body calls for it, craves it, sings out loud for it. Some people know exactly what they want and just ask for it, taking without shame. Others hide what they crave behind closed doors or under desks, in dark corners where no one will find them. I know what a lot of you hide because I hide it sometimes too. We understand each other, which is why it’s important that I tell you this, there is a blue door behind the Love Shack, if you knock the beats from The All-American Rejects song “Dirty Little Secret” and give the password “Writers”, Lab Tech Andi will take care of the rest. Be Safe!


Since the rumors have been floating around for a while now that Edward's doppelganger, Rob, was signing on to be in a film adaptation of the book "Cosmopolis", Bella and I decided to take a quick break from fan fiction to check this little book out.

"Oh my God! Just how many times can this guy get laid in a single day?" Bella shouted at her Kindle, rolling her eyes. I put my hand over my mouth trying to uselessly stifle my giggle.

"Are you near the end yet?" I asked her.

"Almost," she told me, never looking up from her screen. "At least he finally had sex with his wife, but I'm curious if she only did it to shut him up. He’d been pestering her about it all day."

"Oh just you wait until he gets on his tirade about 'Nancy Babich'" and I laughed out loud this time.

She rolled her eyes again and glanced back at her book. As she read, I thought how funny it seemed, to sit here reading a published story instead of my authors' stories, but I guess you have to try something different every once in a while, even if the traditional literature wasn't my drug of choice.

In all honesty, the only real difference between my authors and those commercial authors was how they got paid. Commercial authors earn royalties when people liked their stories. The common currency of the fandom is feedback. Word of mouth and reviews are all my darling authors ever ask for in return for their commitment. It's such a thankless job sometimes, as they shamelessly peddle their words to the fandom. I was doing what I could, but I felt like there should be some way to do more for them.

Alice flashed into the room and then sat down beside me, "Andi, you have got to stop all this back and forth, it's giving me the biggest headache!" I looked at her slightly confused so she turned to face me. "Just make up your mind to do it. Get all the pieces in place; you have a week to get ready. It will be fine." Realizing she was talking about the fan fic reading challenge I'd been pondering, her gaze fell out and back into focus with a sigh. She leaned back against the pillows, speaking only a single word with her breath, "finally".

“Well, okay then,” I sat there for only a second longer before I walked over to my desk to get started on the million things running through my head. "I'll get you some ibprofen in a few minutes," Alice called from her seat. At least now I knew a headache was certain in my furture, and laughed at myself.


Because our authors teach us things about ourselves, modify the universe with a single thought, and make us see more than what’s on the surface, all the deals I’m peddling this week have authors in them. I know a few of them will make you say “WHAT?”

My first author was discovered in a beautiful, alternate universe canon tale called "Stranger Than Fiction" by MasenVixen. It's been six years since Edward left Bella in the woods, making her barely a whisper of the person she used to be. However, when Edward told her that it would be as if he never existed and hid all material traces of himself, the one thing he couldn't remove was the phantom of his existence from her mind which has haunted her every day since. Bella knew she would never be able to survive in this life Edward had forced her into, so as she began to create a new world around herself, she slowly breathed his essence into the pages of a bestselling novel about a girl and a vampire who loved her. Likewise, Edward has also lived a tortured existence since his departure, knowing this hell is of his own making. He's not sure just how much longer he can live this non-existence without her, when he is suddenly haunted by visions that are so familiar, visions of a life he had with her that he squandered. He's just sure that this is some punishment God has decided he's deserved, until he learns of the book. Now, he knows he can't live a second longer without her, he has to know if she'll forgive him, if she still loves him too. Can they have the happily ever after or is it way too late?

My next author stumbled out of this incredibly well written comedy titled "Cullen, Unscripted" by FL95. Since the deaths of his parents, Edward Cullen has cruised through life on a whimsical string of luck. Got into college, discovered writing, discovered other people liked his writing, and even won a competition with his writing, which ultimately landed him as an entry level intern writing for his Uncle's TV Station. Sure his uncle offered to hire him outright, but Edward wouldn't even hear of it. He was a hard worker and he wanted to earn his way, prove himself to his peers, and let life teach him a lesson or two. What he didn't count on was her, and he was pretty sure that the lesson he was currently learning from the inside of her closet was one that was long overdue. As stated by the man himself, "maybe when I had decided to rely on fate to take care of everything for me, I should have allowed for karma to fit into that equation too." I'm warning you now, that this one will have you doubled over with laugher, just sayin'.

My next author was found hiding in this amazing little fix called "A Form of Escapism" by flubbed. It wasn't always like this, he used to love her. It's difficult sometimes, but Bella can remember when James loved her. Of course, that was before he slipped that ring around her finger and they were still in college. Now, he's all about appearances, insisting that Bella keep a pristine house, making his job sound way more impressive than it is, and out at the pub every night. She might have thought about leaving him once, but since her parents are no longer living, where would she go? So instead wallowing in her prison of a marriage, she finds solace in the romance novels of one E.A.M. Cullen. That is until the day her new neighbor moves in. This is an excellent story of discovery and strength of character, but it's a dark journey and I'm am on pins and needles waiting to know what Bella's going to do next.

My last surprising author was peeking around a painting in this mysterious little one-shot that I know you will have to read more than once called "Asymmetrical Hues" by StarlightSuccubus because it's just that good. I wake up at exactly 7:05 a.m. every day. I take a shower with cold water, dry with a black towel, dress in grey suit and white shirt, eat oatmeal and grapefruit juice for breakfast, and at exactly 7:43 a.m. I grab for my car keys every day. This is my routine, I like my routine, I'm comfortable in the predictability of my routine. I have a perfect wife, who write erotica in her spare time and because she loves me, she also fits into my routine. I love that we fit so well together. Although, the morning the phone rang, every part of my routine was thrown off and it has been slightly off ever since. It was my lazy, unpredictable brother. He is a brilliant painter on drugs, but that doesn't matter because success comes so easy for him. He needs my help and I smile a little to myself at his failures even if I always know I'll help him in the end. He is my brother and that's what's expected from me.

Now to go along with these fics, I’m giving you two suggestions: first get a nice bottle of White Zinfandel because Edward always likes the way Bella blushes and second make the Lemon Drizzle Cake from “A Form of Escapism”. It’s all in UK measurement, but it wouldn’t be too difficult to convert. Here’s the link for the recipe:

While I get everything ready for January 30th, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)


StarLightSuccubus said...

Thank you for the pimping. <3 <3 <3

Anonymous said...

Ditto! Thank you for your support! Blown away to find this :) <3