Friday, October 15, 2010

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Hey shacksters! Have you heard, Lab Tech Andi’s considering looking for an assistant, so if you happen to really be a vegetarian vampire and are willing to put up with the voices in her head, this might just be the job for you. Otherwise, all humans just looking for their next fic fix should head straight for the blue door, knock the opening beats from Linkin Park’s “Papercut” and the password is “Help”. Be Safe!


I read the post again and laughed. I wonder if it’s possible for a vampire to go crazy. After putting Alice in charge of the offerings last week, I knew I wouldn’t be doing that again anytime soon. I mean, seriously, I adored the stories she’d picked out, but I still couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that she recommended “Kitty Litter Cake”. I laughed again.

“Why are you reading that post again?” Edward asked as he strolled through the lab over to the keyboard that was setup in one corner. Bella was still helping me with shirts and he just couldn’t stay away. The idea of having Bella help me in the lab more often just so Edward would be around for eye candy briefly floated through my thoughts before I heard a resounding, “No” come from the corner Edward was occupying.

“Fine, it was just a thought.” I stuck my tongue out at him, Bella just laughed. I was so grateful she was willing to put up with me. “I was reading it because I still can’t believe that recipe she picked out. It’s so silly.”

“Well, she said it was in your recipe book and since some people will be having Halloween parties, you know how Alice is about parties; she thought it would be fun.” Bella defended as she spread paint on another shirt. “So if the recipe is so silly, why is it in your book?”

“I made it once, in 1997, for a Halloween party, but I was the only one who would eat it.” I laughed at the memory; Edward laughed too watching it in my thoughts. “I think it was too realistic.”

“Anyway, I still need help in the lab, especially since I’ll be in San Francisco all next week and since I can’t keep Bella,” I glared in Edward’s direction, to which he responded by rolling his eyes, “I have to find someone to take care of things while I’m away.”

“You know Esme always loves to help out and Rosalie enjoys mothering the authors, too.” Edward informed me. This surprised me a little, I had no idea Rose enjoyed spending time with the authors since she wasn’t a frequent visitor. “She only stays away because she doesn’t want to frighten them, but anytime Esme fixes food for them, she’s always helping out.” As I pondered this, Edward turned to his keyboard and flipped it on.

With the volume low, Edward started to play and the beautiful melody filled the room. I thought about what it would be like for a human to have a vampire assistant and how much we’d be able to get done. Then, suddenly I thought about Bella’s last human birthday and her small paper cut. Damn, we’d have to go completely electronic. Accidently, snacking on the authors would not be cool. I heard a chuckle from the corner of the room. Oh, just play your keyboard Edward, I thought at him. Bella looked at both of us and shrugged. Who am I kidding, there’s not a vampire on the planet that would put up with the crazy tasks I’d have them do. They’d kill me just to be rid of me. Again, I heard a chuckle from the corner of the room.


Ok, maybe I won’t be getting a vampire assistant, but all my dealings this week have assistants in them. So while I ponder my options, I hope these help satisfy your cravings.

My first tale is a completed and completely amazing fic called “I Hate You, Kiss Me” by BittenBee. In this universe Bella is an incredibly independent legal assistant who is certainly not looking for a relationship at this time in her life. However, a woman has needs right? So after playing wingman to her best friend, Emmett, she meets an interesting and sexy guy at the bar who just so happens to be new in town. A few too many drinks leads to an unforgettable one night stand and Bella figures she’ll never see him again. Of course that is until he shows up for his first day of work at her law firm. The dance these two characters do is entertaining and addictive. I’m so not responsible if you stay up all night to read this one because you’re going to want to.

My second tale is a lovely completed fic called “Help Wanted” by jaxon22. This is the story of Bella Swan, Personal Assistant to the latest “it” boy, Edward Cullen. Around the film industry, Edward has a developed a reputation of being rude, arrogant and distant, but are the rumors true or are they just rumors? Bella’s trying to figure out how to take this and since this PA job isn’t just any job to her, she doesn’t want to screw this up. Edward’s making it very difficult though as he continues to throw her mixed signals. These characters will make you want to pull your hair out at times, but this story would be worth going bald for.

My last amazingly completed tale is called “Realize” by Goo82. This is the story of best friends, Edward and Bella, who have been together since birth, nearly raised as siblings, so it was only natural when he rocketed toward stardom Bella would have an important role in this life as his personal assistant. But living in the shadow of someone famous is harder than it seems, even more so when you’re in love with that person and can’t even see it. Add to it that everyone else around you can see it and it’s magnified. This is the life Bella is living and this is how we watch her heart get torn to pieces by the man she loves. Will Edward ever realize he’s always been in love with her too and put her back together? The title is so fitting for this story because you will be shouting it to the screen as you read each and every chapter. Just make sure you’re not disturbing anyone.

These stories will make you work hard and after a long day of “assisting” anyone, who the hell wants to actually mix a drink? So, to go with these fics I’m simply recommending you pull out the Disaronno, and pour yourself a glass over ice. Just to take the edge off.

So, I’ll be in San Francisco next week and there’s no way I’ll trust the post to those crazy vampires of mine. Thank heaven for free wifi. Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)