Friday, September 3, 2010

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Calling all fic addicts! Don’t have time for a long tale? Looking for a quick fix? Craving something fast and dirty? Well, look no further because Lab Tech Andi’s found 12 smut-tastic one-shots to deal this week. However, this stash comes with a warning: ALL these fics contain mature themes and situations, so if you’re under 18 just shut the browser now and we won’t tell your parents. To obtain these tingly tales, just go to the blue door at the back of the Love Shack, knock the sultry beats of Elvis Presley’s version of “Fever” and the password is “Dirty Dozen”. Be Safe!


When you spend so much time with vampires, there are some things you simply have to get used to otherwise they will drive you completely insane. First, they are so fast that you never hear them approach, so if you have a skittish personality, heaven help ya. Second, their senses are so far enhanced that, there is no way you’d be able to hide anything from them. Lastly, if one of those vampires is Alice, then she will find any excuse to have a party.

Esme had been stopping by the lab daily with food; trying to ensure that we wouldn’t have a repeat of last week anytime soon. It was such a blessing and the authors adored the time they got to spend with her because she spoiled them at every opportunity. During one of her visits, she sat down across from me and asked, “Since the boys will be gone for a few days hunting, Alice wanted to see if it would be okay with you if she planned a slumber party with all the authors for Wednesday night.”

“I’m fine with it, but you guys don’t sleep.” I stated taking a bite out of my sandwich.

Suddenly, Alice seemed to materialize out of nowhere, throwing her tiny arms around my neck, and exclaiming excitedly “Oh, Andi! We’re going to have so much fun! You’ll see.”

Completely unprepared for her assault, I gasped, making me choke on the bite I’d just taken. Immediately, I started coughing and when I was finally able to get a breath, I muttered, “I’m putting a bell on that door.”

“I’m so sorry; I’ll have Jasper install a chime when they get back.” She said as she gently pat my back. “I really didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay Alice. I’ll live. So tell me about this slumber party.” I took a drink of my water and finished my lunch as Alice filled me in on all the plans she had for the party.

As it turns out, having guests who didn’t sleep really wasn’t a problem as Alice never intend for anyone to sleep anyway. Her agenda included: pizza and other assorted snacks, makeovers, a fashion show, mani’s and pedi’s, and the entire collection of the “Red Shoe Diaries”.

The authors were having a blast. Rosalie was doing everyone’s hair, Alice was picking out outfits and even Bella seemed to be enjoying herself, which I suspect was partly due to the fact that she wasn’t the center of attention. Once everybody was donning new attire, Rose hooked up the new LED TV to the surround sound system and we started the first movie as we settled in for manicures and pedicures. It was perfect, just like Alice had planned.

The late night soon gave away to early morning and sleep finally managed to claim me; the erotic scenes from the movies Alice had picked out, still flashing behind my eyelids.


Inspired by the party festivities and since it’s a holiday weekend, I doubt anyone will have large blocks of time to invest in reading, but I want to make sure nobody will suffer from withdrawal either. So all my offerings this week are only one citrus-filled chapter and to make them extra special, I’ve pair each and every tale with its own mixed shot. Without further delay, I offer you the delights of my dirty dozen:

Nosy Neighbors TwiGirl Revolution Submission by dirtybrat

Dracula's Kiss
1 part Rum, coconut (Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay)
1 part Liqueur, raspberry (Chambord)
1 part Pineapple Juice

Mixing Instructions
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into shot glass

Unbeknownst to her neighbor Edward, Rosalie is a Dom with a brand new pet, Emmett. After a particularly loud session, Edward comes knocking on her door to see who's been 'murdered'. Rose lures him in, and he stays for a while. In chains. Well he asked for it!

Apple Pie a la Mode
1 part Rum, vanilla (Bacardi)
1 part Rum, apple (Bacardi Big Apple)
1 part Schnapps, cinnamon (Hot Damn)

Mixing Instructions
Pour equal parts into shot class.

On the Double by MasenVixen

It's Bella's first day on the job as a body double in the new Edward Masen film. First up? The sex scene...

F Stop by SweetT129

1/2 oz. Irish Cream (Bailey's)
1/2 oz. Kahlua
1/2 oz. Liqueur, melon

Mixing Instructions
Pour the Kahlua into a shot glass. Carefully layer the Melon Liqueur, then the Irish Cream on top.

Carlisle is a photographer who is tired of his insecure model not working to her potential. He decides that she needs a bit more instruction to make her feel comfortable in her own skin, and he's just the one to give it to her.

Dammit PJ
1/2 shot Rum, lemon
1/2 shot Lemon Juice
Sugar, cubes

Mixing Instructions
Fill a large shot glass half full of lemon rum, then fill the other half with lemon juice. Put a sugar cube in your mouth and bite down, then shoot, swish, and swallow!

Art Model by dollegirl

Bella needs money. Her friend convinces her to do a little nude modeling for an art class, but she’s not alone.

Exchange by BoydBlog

Bad Habit
1/2 oz. Schnapps, peach
1/2 oz. Vodka

Mixing Instructions
Combine ingredients in a shot glass

Bella has a Third Date Rule. Would it delude her into continuing with the not so perfect date? Sometimes fate intervenes to correct an imbalance. Not even the location can deter frenzied would-be soul mates.

6 A.M.
1 part Schnapps, peppermint
1 part Liqueur, coffee (Starbucks)

Mixing Instructions
Drink up!

I'm Wanting
by contagiously

Bella thought she had her life figured out; until a charismatic stranger overhears her embarrassing phone call and shows her everything she was missing.

Two Sides of the Same by Auburn.One

Auburn Headbanger
1 part Goldschläger
1 part Jägermeister

Mixing Instructions
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into shot glasses

Bella and Edward are two sides of the same coin, yin and yang, six of one, half dozen of another. Find out what happens when two night-life acquaintances are thrown into a business meeting together.

Chocolate Devil
3/4 oz. Amaretto
3/4 oz. Godiva, dark chocolate
3 drops Rum, overproof/151 proof
1 cube Sugar, cubes

Mixing Instructions
Pour Godiva into glass. Float Amaretto on top. Add 3 drops of 151 to sugar cube. Light the sugar cube on fire. Drop the shot into the glass and shoot the whole thing.

Dark Like Chocolate by dariachenowith

Bella is a vampire and Edward is human. "I know a lot of things about you," she tells him, letting she smile lure him in. "I know where you work. Where you live. And I know tonight's the night all your dreams come true."

Just Thinking One Shot by AmoreBella88

Bride To Be
1 part Curacao, blue
1 part Liqueur, banana
1 part Rum, mango
2 parts Pineapple Juice
1 splash Sprite

Mixing Instructions
Shake all ingredients except Sprite with ice. Strain into shot glasses and float Sprite on top.

Bella awoke in the middle of the night to his side of the bed empty. What happened next could only be described as one of the best nights of her life.

Love Potion # 9
1 part Liqueur, vanilla
1 part Cranberry Juice, White
6 drops Grenadine
4 drops Lime Juice

Mixing Instructions
Add equal parts white cranberry juice and vanilla liqueur into a shot glass. Add a few drops of grenadine and lime juice.

Always & More by miztrezboo

One hot, steamy night in Rio and a candle lit alley lead to something a little on the smutty side

Bad Girlfriend by Infinitypoet and Nolebucgrl

Brunettes Can Be Sluts Too
2 parts Whiskey, Canadian (Crown Royal)
1 part Liqueur, raspberry
2 parts Triple Sec
2 parts Cranberry Juice
2 parts Sprite

Mixing Instructions
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into glass.

What happens when Bella pushes Edwards buttons by flirting with other men?

Lemonade Shooter
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
1/2 oz. Vodka, lemon
1 oz. Lemonade

Mixing Instructions
Shake all ingredients with ice. Strain into shot glass. Finish with a squeeze of lemon juice for an added kick if desired.

Something New by mskathy

Bella surprises Jasper, after a business trip, with a little something new in the bedroom.

So until next week, have a safe and happy Labor Day Weekend. Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)