Friday, April 29, 2011

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Yeah, I know you’re hiding that phone under your desk just awaiting an update. You’re trying to hide your addiction from everybody else. You might even have yourself convinced that you can stop anytime you want, but you can’t ever hide it from me. We both know the truth and there’s no rehab for this addiction. Of course, you’re secret is safe with me and Lab Tech Andi has a few secrets too. She’ll be happy to let you in on a few if you head to the blue door at the back of the shack, knock the hi-hat beat from “Who Are You” by The Who and the password is “Buzzsaw”. Be Safe!


“Hey, did you hear that Edward Cullen is now working in some shop off South Forks Avenue?”

“Oh my god! No Way!”

“I know right? I caught a glimpse of him the other day and I could hardly believe it! Wasn’t he supposed to be at some Ivy League school on the east coast?”

“Yea, I always figured he'd be a doctor like his dad. I guess getting married to Bella didn't do him any favors.”

“No joke!”

I tried really hard not to listen, but I just couldn’t help it. I was supposed to be getting post-its and highlighters, but I just couldn’t believe this crazy conversation that I was overhearing in the office supply store. So when I got back to the shack and found Alice and Nessie playing chess in the lab, I just had to know.

“Alice, is there some reason why Edward is working in a store on Forks Avenue?” I asked.

“What are you talking about, Andi? Edward doesn't work anywhere.” she responded without even looking up from the board and moved her knight.

“I didn’t think so, but while I was at the office supply, I overheard two girls gossiping about how Edward was working at some store over there.”

Alice concentrated less than a second and then looked back at me. “No, I don't see him taking a job anytime soon. I suppose I'll have to go see for myself.” Then she turned to Renesmee. “Hey Nessie, you wanna go see if your daddy has a doppelganger?” Alice asked.

“Oh, that sounds like fun!” she replied jumping from her spot and then the two of them were off.

Several hours later, Alice and Nessie reappeared in the lab laughing.

“Oh Andi! Those people must be blind!” She said between gasps.

“So you found him!” I jumped up from my desk and skipped over to them.

“Gosh, it’s not like it was hard.” Nessie stated while she set up a game of Monopoly and Alice composed herself.

“Yeah, his name is Ian Barnes and he even has a website called 'My Name Is Not Edward'. We stalked him for a little while and Nessie was going to walk up to him, but then some little boy behind her started to freak out so we bolted. I mean, I guess I can see a little resemblance to that Robert Pattinson guy,” Alice told me as she folded herself onto the floor, “but he doesn’t look anything like Edward!”

“Well, you do realize that you’re working with vampire vision right?” I replied. “Maybe it's that imperfect human vision that makes him look so much like Edward.”

“I guess that could be it or it could be that people see what they want to see.” Alice shrugged and took a stack of paper from Renesmee.

“I suppose,” I hummed, then Renesmee handed me a small stack of papers. I looked down at what she gave me, “What’s this for?”

“You’re going to play a game with us,” Renesmee stated matter of factly as she finished setting up the board.

“Okay, one game and then back to work.” I agreed and then I started to wonder if we could get a Bella doppelganger to move here too. How cool would that be?


While I pondered the identities of our town’s citizens, I wondered if they’d ever get to live their own lives again. So, all the dealing I have for you today are having an identity crisis. I hope you enjoy them.

My first identity was found in the form of an erotic fairytale called “Cinderella A Tale of Lust” by TrueBlood Twilight. For the most part this is simply a retelling of the classic story, but it has a slight erotic twist. Edward is an insatiable prince who’s not looking to fall in love and why should he? He can have any of his servants at anytime. Bella is a beautiful and loving lady who only wants to protect those she loves from her evil step-mother. Even if that means becoming a servant in her own home. But a fateful trip to the market may change everything for both of them.

My next little identity was found in this very short tale of “Mistaken Identity” by notsoinnocentfangirl. Ever since the popularity of that dreaded vampire movie, Edward simply can’t go anywhere anymore without people pulling at his clothes and screaming some actors name. It’s annoying and to be honest, he doesn’t really see why other people can’t tell the difference. One day, the tables will be turned and people will be calling that actor Edward, but for now this is his life. The description of this story may sound silly, but it will have you laughing like nothing else. It’s a great read for something light.

This next identity was hidden in a tale called “Reassigned Identity” by Mk Marie. Bella Swan has got to have the worst dating record in history! If they’re not complete morons, then they’re the murdering offspring of mobsters. Edward Cullen is the CIA Agent who has sworn to protect her and keep her alive, but will his dark secrets cripple his ability to do just that? After witnessing a horrible murder, Bella is put under witness protection where she must pose as "Agent Cullen's" wife. Will they be able to keep this professional and not let personal feeling get in the way?

My final identity is a dark one called “The Hunter” by kaybebaby. When Catherine Hardwicke hires a young, unknown actor to play the lead in her new vampire movie "Twilight," Kristen Stewart is convinced from the start that something is not quite right about him. The team laughs off her bizarre theories - but what if she is right? What if the actor playing Edward Cullen is just pretending to be Robert Pattinson? What if the true identity of this man is not that of a young aspiring actor from London, but something completely different - an ancient Transylvanian vampire on the prowl for revenge and blood? I know you may be leery about fic that uses really people, but trust me; this tale is exciting and will take you on an unusually dark ride.

Since all of these tales have hidden identities in them, I think we need a drink that’s hiding something too. I call it “Undercover” and what it’s hiding, I’ll never tell.

1 shot Rum, spiced (Captain Morgan's)
8 oz. Cherry Coke Zero
1 piece Cherries/Maraschinos

Mixing Instructions
Preferably in a pint glass, although a highball glass will do, throw in one shot of spiced rum and fill the glass with Cherry Coke Zero. Next, stab a cherry with a toothpick and use this to stir the drink between 1-3 times. Drop cherry and toothpick into glass as a garnish.

I hope you enjoy the many faces of our favorite characters and that they'll hold you until next week. Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)


Honolulu Girl-Suz said...

OMG, what a lovely and fantastic surprise to be one of today's authors featured. Thank you so much!! I am honored!!

Cinderella; A Tale of Lust