Friday, April 1, 2011

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

Who else dreamt of sweaty island nights with a vegetarian vampire holding onto a headboard in a blue room? Well, if you’re craving something a little sultry to go with all those images, Lab Tech Andi has put together another smut-tastic dirty dozen in an attempt to keep you satisfied. So head to the blue door at the back of the shack, hit to smooth beat of John Mayer’s “Come Back to Bed” and the password is “Headboard”. Be Safe!


“Dang, Rose! Are you trying to kill me?” every limb hurt and I felt like I’d been beaten. It was Thursday afternoon and Rosalie had decided that I sit too much and needed more exercise. So after I’d eaten my lunch she dragged me out to a personally tailored extreme Pilate’s class.

“Oh, you’ll be fine. A few of my classes and you’ll be in the best shape of your life.” She said as we were walking into the lab and I was putting my workout clothes in the closet.

“I’ll get stronger or you’ll kill me.” I responded with a laugh and then walked over to my desk to flip on the computer. Without warning, Alice raced through the door, Emmett and Carlisle following close behind.

“Andi! Step away from that computer!” Alice shouted as she went to shut off my monitor. “Whew! That was close.” She laughed and slumped down on some pillows on the other side of the room.

“What’s going on, Alice? Is it another one of those viral internet things?” I asked and I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

“Not the same thing as last time, but sort of. It’s not good for your health to be seeing such thing right now anyway,” she told me as I pulled out my phone and unlocked it. Immediately, I was assaulted with the images of a muscular back, strong arms, and nimble finger gripping a wooden headboard. My vision started to faded, my breathing was ragged and shallow and I could faintly hear Alice’s voice as if under water saying, “Why on earth didn’t I think to take away her cell phone! Damn Twitter!” and then I was falling.

When I eventually came out of my stupor, my head was in Alice’s lap and she was combing through my hair, “What happened?”

“Someone leaked a few pictures from that breaking dawn movie and when you pulled one up you passed out.”

I looked up at her in confusion, “I don’t understand. Why would a picture make me pass out?”

“Don’t you remember the picture at all?” she asked. “Oh never mind! You’ll be able to look at them tomorrow, but you need rest now.”

“Can I have my phone back?”

“Tomorrow, now sleep.” She commanded and I closed my eyes and dreamed erotic dreams of headboards and topaz eyes.


Now, I know I’m not the only one who dreamt dreams of headboards and since those dreams aren’t on paper, my deals this week are something that are just as smutty as most of our dreams.

1. Mutual Assent by cdunbar – Bella has had a crush on her optometrist for years, and it’s perfectly normal to have your eyes checked twice a year right?

2. One Night by butterflybetty – Emmett walks into the bar and as his eyes scan the room, he sees the most beautiful woman sitting at the bar. He just knows he has to have her, do you think it’ll be a problem that she’s married?

3. The Love of a Pirate by muggleinlove – Bella, once the proper daughter is a Governor, now stands on the rocky cliffs of Twilight Cay constantly awaiting the arrival of her one true love, Pirate Captain Edward.

4. Rebel Without a Cause by Amethyst Jackson - Days before her wedding, Bella decides to go for one last motorcycle ride while Edward is in Seattle getting a final fitting on his tux. To put it mildly, Edward is NOT pleased and takes out is irritation with her the only way he knows how.

5. Just This Once by lexiecullen17 – It’s the day after graduation and Bella still hasn’t lost her virginity, but she told her best friend Jasper she wants it to be Edward. Things get very strange when Jasper offers to strip her of this awkward burden, in front of Edward. Was it just making light of the situation or does Jasper have secrets of his own?

6. Stupid, stupid Bella by Signature.Hot.Chocolate – Bella just can seem to say no to those adrenaline inducing activities, but Edward may be able to talk her into giving up her reckless behavior.

7. Trust by three.hills – Bella’s human clumsiness amuses Edward a great deal when she manages to trip and lands in the pool. But Bella’s not willing to be the comic relief and turns this into an opportunity for seduction.

8. Fifty Cents A Ride by Daddy's Little Cannibal – It’s time for a lesson in laundry; step 1 – Put in clothes; step 2 – measure detergent; step 3 – set cycle; step 4 – thank the very nice woman who was helping you.

9. Pianists by Rosette-Cullen – While waiting for Edward to pick her up at the treaty line, Jacob and Bella entertain themselves by making jokes about Edward’s possible bedroom skills. But Edward’s going to make a point about what pianists hands are really capable of.

10. Night in Nantes by enamors – Bella, gets talked into attending a frat party by the only friend she really has, so imagine her surprise when she find her soul mate while lying in the middle of the street.

11. In Your Eyes by 107yearoldvirgin - Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are starring in the remake of Say Anything. Their attraction is obvious. Where will their chemistry come from during the pivotal backseat sex scene?

12. Collection by k8ella - Bella Swan is a teacher for the school where the mysterious Mr. Cullen was once a student. She so desperately wants to meet him, but doesn’t figure he’d have any interest in someone like her, little does she realize how very little she knows about this man and his hobbies.

As for something to go along with these fics, I think you’ll need something to sip and a “Smooth Pink Lemonade” will do the trick.

1 ½ oz Vodka
1 part Cranberry Juice
1 part Sour Mix
1 part 7-up

Mixing Instructions
Stir in a glass with ice and enjoy!

Be sure to keep your eyes open for other excitement this weekend, I'm sure it'll be on the horizon, Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)