Friday, February 25, 2011

::Team Twilight:: Fan Fiction Friday

I might have something you want. I might have something you need. It might be something legal or it might be something criminal. But the one thing I can tell you for sure is that the feds can’t have it and Lab Tech Andi will work hard to keep plenty on hand for you. Walk carefully to the blue door at the back of the shack; make sure you’re not being tailed by the law, knock the tune from Fall Out Boy called “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race” and give the password “FBI”


I looked up from my desk and glanced around the room. The lights in the lab were dim and the screens from the laptops the authors were using glowed around the room like tiny beacons of life. I could clearly see four bright rectangles shine back at me.

Thinking that a little soft music might be nice, I walked to the sound system and scrolled to a playlist that Edward and Renesmee had setup for me and pushed play. Behind me I heard a squeak and when I turned around I saw only three screens.

Figuring one of them simply got up to take a break; I walked back to my desk, picked up some files and turned toward the file cabinets. As I opened the drawer, I heard a muffled squeak behind me and when I turned around I saw only two screens.

Hmmm… I thought

“Hey guys?” I asked “Do you know where the other two went?”

“Nope,” I heard one of them answer.

“I didn’t see,” I heard from the other.

“Ok, I’m going to go check the bathroom. Can you guys stay here?” I said walking over to the bathroom. I opened the door and peered inside, “Anyone in here?” I asked into the obviously empty bathroom. I turned out the light and walked back into the lab only to find it as equally empty.

“Hey! I thought I said to stay here,” I yelled at no one. “Where is everyone?” Then the door flew open and Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward came flying through the door.

“Andi! We need to get you out of here!” Alice said rushing over to me.

“Why? What’s going on?” I asked her slightly panicked now. “Did the Volturi find out about the Shack? Did other vampires get my authors?!?!”

“NO! No! No. Andi, calm down. It’s nothing that dangerous, but we do need to get you out of here now.” Alice said.

“Then tell me what’s going on! And where are my authors?”

“The authors are fine.” She explained. “Carlisle, Esme, Bella, and Rosalie have them and they are taking them somewhere safe. You’re going to go with Emmett and he’ll take you to where they are. It’s too dangerous to drive out of here, so you’ll have to ride on Emmett’s back. It’s not the Volturi who are coming, it’s the FBI.”

“Umm… We’re doing all this running from the FBI? Seriously? What do we have to hide?” I questioned as Alice began to push me toward Emmett and I started to giggle.

“Andi, we don’t have time for this! Somebody thought your twitter name was code for dealing something illegal and they called the feds. I saw that if they see the lab the way it’s setup they’ll hold you and we can’t have that. So you need to GO, NOW!”

“Come on,” Emmett held out his hand and then turned around so I could hop on his back. “Hold on tight, I wouldn’t want you to fall.”

With my arms tight around his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist, he dashed out the door. As we ran, I was curious, so I thought I’d ask, “So what are they going to do to the lab?”

“They’re going to hide the lab stuff and Alice and Jasper are going to pretend to live there. Charlie tried to stop the investigation, but they didn’t believe him.” Emmett responded without even sounding winded. He only carried me for a few more minutes before I heard the helicopters in the distance and I clung to him just a little tighter.


While, I hid from the feds, I wondered about what they could possibly think we were dealing out in the middle of the woods. So all my dealing this week are files of the FBI kind.

My first criminal case file was found under the title “Here We Go Again” by butterflybetty. Bella Swan has never had an easy life. As a genius with a photographic memory, she managed to graduate high school at the age of 14 and got a masters degree from NYU in criminal justice and criminal psychology at merely 18. She started her career as an officer in the special victims unit at 19, but after seven years on the force and a very traumatic personal case she’s looking for a new start. So, she’s starting a new job with the FBI in Seattle and she thinks that the worst thing about starting over is that having to prove to the boys that she belongs. However, there is something evil lurking in her past that she thought was finally behind her but is in fact more tied to her than she could have ever imagined. This case has so many twists and turns that you’ll have a hard time putting this story down, because you’ll be dying to figure out what will happen next.

My next criminal case file came under the name “Losing Faith” by Twilifed113. Bella Cullen thinks that her husband is a traveling medical supplies salesman, but he spends so much time away, her best friend thinks he might be having an affair. Suddenly, she’s not so sure about her marriage, but upon his return from his latest trip tells her things will change. However, when Edward’s past puts her life in danger the only way to save her will require him revealing the truth about his job. He works for the FBI and has done so since his parents were murdered when he was 18. Now they are on the run, just trying to survive, but Bella doesn’t feel like she knows anything about her husband anymore and Edward’s going to have to use this time to convince her otherwise. At least until the trial that will make them both safe again.

This next smut-filled criminal case, I just couldn’t resist, because I adored the title, “Empty Lab Adventures” by dqwhit19. This is a crossover so subtle that even if you’ve never seem a single episode of Bones, you’ll never notice. Dr. Bella Swan is a famous and uber intelligent forensic anthropologist who honestly finds the dead more fascinating than the living; well maybe not all of the living. Edward Cullen is her FBI agent partner who has secretly lusted after her for ages. So, when Bella’s the only one working in the lab while everyone else is at a conference, will Edward finally act on all his secret desires? Maybe he’s not the only one with fantasies.

My last criminal case stood out like a beacon because it was all “Scarlet” by archer24. The Scarlet Thief, known only by the scarlet calling card they leave behind, is the most incredible thief the world has never seen and has managed to elude the feds for years. Every agent who’s worked this case until now has been left bewildered as to how he managed to avoid capture. But, FBI agent, Edward Cullen, who has been able to catch every criminal he’s come across, just found out something that no one else has; that The Scarlet Thief not a man, but in reality a very sexy and confident woman. Will she be able to continue to avoid the FBI? Perhaps art and jewels aren’t the only things she’s capable of stealing.

So in the spirit of our escape, I recommend you simply "Run Like Hell"

1 shot Jack Daniel's
1 shot Southern Comfort
1 shot Cola
1 shot Lemonade

Mixing Instructions
Chill Jack and SoCo separately. Pour a shot of each ingredient. Take each shot in this order: Jack, Lemonade, SoCo, Cola.

Assuming I don't get put in the slammer, I'll see you next week. If you're part of my challenge, be sure to log the chapters you've reviewed for the Million Word Reading Challenge (We've already had one person hit a million, how many more can I get?), Tweet (FanFicDealer), Message me on Facebook, or email ( if you want to talk shop.

The deal has been made. ;)